Food pusher continually offers sweets to coworkers despite being constantly refused, doesn't take no for an answer: 'She just keeps pushing and pushing and it gets really triggering'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 29, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Food is a love language. Nothing like baking some bread for a pal and feeling like the best friend in the world. You've put your love and labor into every step, and you know they can feel that when they take a bite. Making food for someone is one of the easiest and simplest ways to show someone you care for them. But there is, of course, a line. Everyone has different relationships to food. And a great number of people have difficult relationships with food. When you continually offer food to someone it can be a trigger, a reminder of their struggles, or at least a small nuisance. 

Nobody likes feeling forced into doing something, especially by someone they don't know that well. But that's the situation one found themselves in when a pesky coworker wouldn't take no for an answer. Read on for the details and decide what you would have done.

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    tea
    via Adeolu Eletu
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    Co-worker is obsessed with food and others eating - how to handle?
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    As the title states, I have a coworker who is extremely obsessed with food, and more specifically, other people eating. (Please keep in mind this post will no where near be able to paint a good picture of day to day with this said coworker. And this isn't the only issue with her.)
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    And this obsession is not like asking what you brought for lunch or anything like that... but she will bring cakes and candies and cheesecakes and banana bread and bags of tortilla chips and so many other things and leave them at her desk and literally non-stop, all day tell people she has food at her desk if they are hungry. At first it seemed like just something she liked to do for
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    people and I thought it was kind of her. But it has gotten to the point of obsession, and if you kindly deny her offer, which I always do as I am trying to watch what I eat and also bring my own things from home, she will scoff at you and basically bully you and make fun of you for eating healthy. And then 30 mins later remind you that she has food at her desk even though you've
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    already told her no. This also goes for when food is put in the break room from meetings and such, which happens almost daily. She will walk around informing everyone that there is food in the break room.
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    It's so hard to explain over typing, but man it's just so annoying and I don't know how to handle it. It has now gotten to the point where she is obsessed with her boss's eating habits and is constantly telling him he needs to eat, meanwhile she is offering her chips and candy and what not and he always takes some. I only know this as I sit right behind her.
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    I feel like because she knows I am trying to lose weight and eat healthy, that I become her main target. Maybe something happened to her when she was younger that sparked this obsession, however she is nowhere near respectful of people saying no thank you to her offers. I've even heard. other coworkers ask her to stop asking them as they either have diabetes and
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    I can't have certain things or they are also trying to lose weight (some of them I know have EDs and dont give her a reason why) and she legit flat out tells them she will never stop tempting them. She just keeps pushing and pushing and it gets really triggering, even listening to it happen to other people is triggering. Not sure this
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    matters, but she is pretty large herself (I'm not judging, I'm just putting things in perspective), and I feel like the majority of everyone else is relatively small and we all want to lose weight, like does she just want all of us to be big like her??? I just really don't know how to continue to handle this, I want to always return kindness but I'm getting to the point of possibly snapping at her and I want to prevent that. Maybe I should just ignore her? Anyone else have this issue or advice??
    via u/grumpycoffeesnob
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    Silent-Entrance-9072 2d ago. • I have had coworkers like this and the less you react, the better. I left for lunch every day and used as few words as possible when they ask questions. What did I eat for lunch? "Food". Am I hungry? No. Where did I go? "Out."
    via u/Silent-Entrance-9072
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    • Comprehensive-End388 2d ago • She clearly doesn't understand that OTHER people have a different relationship with food and don't need a 24/7 reminder to eat, and that that in fact can be a negative thing. Bring it up with HR. She needs to be stopped. This is not healthy work culture.
    via u/Comprehensive-End388
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    . sleepi... 2d ago • Edited 2d ago • . This is a lesson in boundaries, so enjoy the learning! Regardless of her "love language", the office or professionalism, you are being given the opportunity to accept or reject anything that doesn't serve your highest good.
    via u/sleepingovertires
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    Best lesson I ever learned is that no one is responsible for my feelings and actions except me. I changed to a whole food plant based way of eating a few years back. Lots of people didn't understand why. Eventually, I stopped arguing and explaining.
    via u/sleepingovertires
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    If someone offers me something outside of what I now eat, I say "no thanks" without getting into the specifics or upset, and then I keep walking. It saves a great deal of emotional energy.
    via u/sleepingovertires
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    CanuckBee 2d ago • You could say to them quietly and firmly: "I have nicely said "no" many times. Your repeated. behaviour has crossed into harassment. Your behaviour is inappropriate. I am only going to say this once. Cut it out. Leave me alone. Do not comment on what I eat or do not eat. Do not push food on me. Leave me alone." If they do not cut it out, go to HR.
    via u/CanuckBee
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    MonikerSchmoniker 2d ago. • I would count the number of times she asks in a one week span of time. Don't let her know you are keeping a tally. Then, at the end of the week, I would send her an email: Problem. Consequence. Solution. (Making that up, but it seems like a good professional memo format.)
    via u/MonikerSchmoniker
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    Co-worker, Last week you offered me home-baked food or treats 15 times and 15 times I declined with the explanation that I prefer to manage my own dietary needs, as I have repeated for many months. This has put a strain on my work environment as there are too many non-work related interruptions which leave me fearing I have, once again, caused you disappointment. To resolve this problem, a simple solution
    via u/MonikerSchmoniker
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    would be for you to refrain from offering me any more of your home baked goods or treats. That way I won't be continually interrupted, nor will I be left. dealing with feelings of despair several times a day. Please respect this request. CC your boss?
    via u/MonikerSchmoniker
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    VeganMinx • 2d ago. So... it sounds like she is an older woman and food is her love language. I don't know how to fix it, but I'd see it as her way of trying to connect with people. Are her kids grown? Is she married/divorced/widowed? Sorry you're going through this, but HR needs to help resolve it. Sounds psychological to me from what you've shared. And it also sounds very irritating.
    via u/VeganMinx
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    consciouscreentime • 2d ago This is a tough situation. Her heart might be in the right place, but her actions are over the line. Maybe try having a direct, but kind conversation with her. Explain that while you appreciate her generosity, her constant food pushing makes you and other coworkers uncomfortable.
    via u/consciouscreentime

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